I have a history of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time (remember the funeral email?). I prefer to stay in the safety of my cave, hiding behind my keyboard with barely the risk of a paper cut. 

But, last year there must have been some sort of temporal disturbance, some freak solar event, a meddling real life Doctor Who causing a mysterious brain spasm, or something, because the inexplicable happened…

I booked tickets to go to Mark Dawson’s Self Publishing Show Live conference this coming Tuesday.

I am equal parts excited and anxious. 

A few years ago I was at an awards ceremony. The keynote speaker/celebrity guest was a silver-haired fox named David Gower. 

Now, David is retired, but much loved England cricket captain, and television presenter. Not only was he one of the most capped cricketers, he was also awarded an OBE (Order of the British Empire) by the late Queen Elizabeth.    

So what happened when I met him?

Well… I stood on his toe, said, “Oh! You’re the bloke off of the telly. Can I ‘ave a photo?” 

Before he’d even replied, I’d slung my arm around him—my mohair cardigan shed little bits of pink fluff over his black tux—he did not look impressed. I wish I could find the photo. 

Then there was the time I met another former England Cricketer by the name of Graeme Swan. 

It was the day after I got married in Barbados, Swanny was out there commentating on the cricket. England were playing a one-day series in the Windies. 

Swanny, along with a bunch of the England cricket team, rocked up to the bar we were in. 

For some reason, don’t ask me why, I said to him, “I got married yesterday, but please can I pretend I got married to you instead?” Then proceeded to give him a sweaty hug and kiss on the cheek. 

FFS. I really shouldn’t be allowed out. 

So, with that in mind, what’s your best conference-going advice? 

And, if you were going to a conference with some of the most respected authors (Craig Martelle, E.L James, Mark Dawson, Steve Higgs, Lucy Score, and there’ll be representatives from the giants, Amazon, Spotify etc), what questions would you ask them?

Or do you have a question you want me to ask on your behalf?

I need to not look like a tw@t. 

If I say the wrong thing to the wrong person, I could be the first one to be ban from the conference. 

Please, help me out. I need to go armed with sensible, intelligent questions. 

In return, I’ll share all the juicy industry insights (and gossip) as I can when I get back.

Angie

p.s. Let me know if you're going the conference. I'd love to be socially awkward with you.  

If you spot any typos or run on sentences or dangling thingamies, please be kind and let it slide. Save your energy for something better.

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